Well I went to see the doctor today. Such cheerful news, apparently she is diagnosing me with unusual minor depression. Heres the simple version. I have the same problems that many normal people do, however i'm losing control. So I get to take mood stabilizers(Effexor)to help out. Truthfully that news made more sad than any other news i've had in some time. I've spent alot of effort trying to help my family through depression. And I spent alot of effort so that I would avoid it. I guess maybe I have just burnt out. Anyway I guess it's time to become a atomaton for the rest of my life yippy. I'm being too pesimistic. If this does turn out to be a long term thing, I don't know what i'll do. It's just not a answer.

Here are some the details of the diagnosis. I'm a frustrated person do to the lack of moving in my life. Events and choices have led me to live in a rut for years, this long term situation is having a impact on my mental condition that is causing a the chemical imbalance. The happy pills however are not the long term cure. They should only help to control the outburst behavior that i'm having troubles with. For long term control I need counselling.

Here are my concerns. (a) there is the cost, I will check up with my health insurance to see if there is any coverage. (b) how is counselling supposed to work? Is it supposed to help me work on getting through my rut, or is it just to be content to live in a grey dreary world? With no future, no ambition, no hope. The latter sure doesn't sound like a good solution to me.

The Baby
Well i've come to accept him in the house hold. I guess the reason why I didn't like him, was that he symbolized going nowhere. Fortunetly he doesn't represent that anymore. Jason Cermack came over the other day ad brought his digital camera. I'll send some of the pics to some key people.


I wish I had someone who I felt comfortable with to talk to. I always feel that my feelings are shotdown by Moriah when I talk to her. She understands that my feelings exist and justified. It's just that she gets into a funk if her short words don't make feel immediatly better. And I don't want to make her feel down, so I just don't talk about most things.

I think i'm tired of all things again :P Or it could be the odd hours helping to take care of Draco.